The Wonders of Little Life: Marxist Microbes and Teleporting Alien Bugs to Earth

Microorganisms such as Bacteria usually get a bad press, often described as 'mindless machines consuming all in their path for selfish gain'. This is of course, in comparison to the most evolved and superior species on the planet (thats us, naturally) with our technologically and socially advanced societies, working together wonderfully for mutual benefit.

Yet recent research might throw some doubt on this appealing fairytale, which has looked at the behaviour of a bacteria called Paenibacillus vortex, having one of the most sophisticated bacterial communities found in nature.


Wired magazine has reported this pioneering work by biophysicist Eschel Ben-Jacob:

'These bacteria have a great social life, they work like a team, using chemicals to communicate in a very sophisticated way' Recently, he found these swarms have a social intelligence similar to that of humans. The bacteria use algae as a 'tool' to produce food; they transport algae towards light-rich places, where the algae produce biofuel. They also move fungal spores to locations where the spores can germinate and put out roots. 'The bacteria use these roots to cross into places they could otherwise never get to,' says Ben-Jacob.

So while collectivism and the idea of working together for the 'common good' have gone out of fashion among much of human civilisation, these Marxist Microbes appear to be embracing it fully – and doing rather well it seems. Microbes of the world – Unite ! With our own societies atomising ever further into dysfunctional individualism, our social institutions failing to be effective, and our unrestrained capitalist economic system with its powerful corporations consuming vast resources from planet and population relentlessly – which was that inferior species with the mindless machines consuming all in their path for selfish gain ?

We could do worse than elect Paenibacillus vortex to parliament, it seems....

But fret not friends, for there is yet more hope....

Rebel geneticist Craig Venter...first to sequence the human genome....first to create the worlds first synthetic life form...has been busy on a new project with NASA he calls 'DNA sequencing' which he describes in a recent interview for Wired magazine. Heard of 3D printing ? Folks, thats so 2012. While 3D printing aims to produce physical objects by creating multiple layers of micro-materials, DNA sequencing in essence creates biological material from DNA information encoded in a computer.

The crazy potential applications for this work he is exploring in collaboration with NASA include: sending encoded DNA signals to mars so that astronauts there could produce their own personalised drugs, or if that wasn't crazy enough for you:

“...if Nasa's Mars Curiosity rover were equipped with a DNA-sequencing device, it could transmit the digital code of a Martian microbe back to Earth, where we could recreate the organism in the laboratory. We can rebuild the Martians in a P4 spacesuit lab -- that is, a maximum-containment lab -- instead of risking them crash-landing in the Amazon. I am assuming that Martian life is, like life on Earth, based on DNA.  

I think that because we know that Earth and Mars have continually exchanged material. There are many people (often religious) who believe that life on Earth is special or unique, and we are alone in the cosmos. I'm not among them.”

So my friends, there we have it. If Paenibacillus vortex refuses to save us from our corrupt political elite – we can simply beam down some Martian Microbes, and ask them to take on the job.

But how could we trust their political instincts, you might well ask ? Come on guys – their from the red planet ! Besides, given recent evidence, i'm more inclined to trust the social conscience of a microbe, over a PPE graduate from Oxford who thinks they have a divine right to rule us all.